1 pack minced beef (defrosting in the sink)

1 Dishcloth

1 5 litre box of red wine

not forgetting

1 Spinone puppy


Leave minced beef to defrost in the sink.

Leave puppy with access to kitchen and go out.

Puppy tries to get the beef out of the sink, knocking the dishcloth into the sink in the process. Dishcloth should block the sink fully. Then turn the cold tap on full.

Once the water gets to an inch deep on the floor, pull the box of red wine into the growing “lake” and chew the box to bits, thus popping the bag containing the wine. Lake on floor should then turn a brilliant burgundy colour.

Cavort in lake to make sure puppy is as purple as possible.

Watch “mum” have a hysterical fit when she gets in.

Once ruined floor has been replaced, repeat (Yes, he really did!)

Turning on the gas on the hob using a similar method is optional  (Yes, he really did that too!)

Thanks to Rico (and Abby Firth) for sharing this recipe.

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