20 THINGS TO DO WITH A PIECE OF COAL

Simply take:

A well earned night out

A cream carpet

A cream sofa

1 generous bucket of the blackest coal

Wireless headphones

1 grumpy cocker spaniel called Hooper

1 white and orange 18 month spinone called Olwyn

2 x 8 month old spinone pups, Clyde and Mavis

1 x 16 year old teenager

Method

Assemble your beloved pack on sofas for evening of relaxation. Add one 16 year old daughter and leave to enjoy a well earned night out.

Arrive home after a couple of hours to discover………. the lights on and aforementioned pack whooping in glee and very happy to see us and not in their beds in the kitchen and no teenager in sight! More surprises awaited us in the sitting room, where some clever little devil had found wireless headphones and base, taken apart and strewn bits of foam, wire and plastic over the floor. The pièce de résistance, however was the contents of coal bucket! The following verbs will give you a better picture; crunch, spit, rub, vomit, roll, flick, tip, more spit, sit in, roll in etc……….all over the carpet and sofa

When quizzed the following morning, our 16 year old replied to question “ why did you leave 4 dogs unsupervised and go off to bed??” ………………………………….”Well,”she replied apologetically “ they were all sleeping so soundly and looked to sweet and I thought, what could they possibly do…………..?”

Luckily – no ill effects for the mischievous four. The carpet? Well, we are due to replace anyway. The sofa? Lives to fight another day………